


Box's story

by Angelscythe



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, M/M, Merry Christmas, Romance, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21935131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelscythe/pseuds/Angelscythe
Summary: Felix and Sylvain always have been together for the Winter Solstice. But the first time the Margrave Gautier announce they would be tore appart, Sylvain doesn't hear it that way. If his father doesn't let him see his Felix, he will do everything to be by his side!And this was how, for the very first time, Sylvain ended up in a box.But... maybe be not for the last time.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Ingrid Brandl Galatea & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Glenn Fraldarius, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Sylvain Jose Gautier & Miklan
Kudos: 23





	Box's story

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, y'all!!!
> 
> Thank you for the interest on this fic!! Please, have fun tonight and be prudent on the road!!! Take care of yourself and your beloved!!  
> MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Every year, since… well the day he was born, but probably way before already, Sylvain remembered coming in the Dukedom of Fraldarius were he celebrated the Winter Solstice with the family. Often, the King of Faerghus was there. The occasions where he couldn’t come had been rare, especially since he had a son of his own…

Sylvain remembered so well almost every of those festivities. The first time was his meeting with Felix… Or, not exactly Felix. He was still in Lady Fraldarius’ belly the first time and the second time, though being only four he had tried to run away with an almost one year baby in his arms because he didn’t want them to eat him again! Maybe it was the very first time he complimented someone because, when they caught him, he sure certified that “Felix was so cute you could eat him whole” and so he was double-worry.

The time passed and it became Sylvain’s favorite festivity. Seeing Felix, Glenn, Dimitri and Ingrid was something really inconstant but the festivities were a guarantee to be around them. The guarantee to run in Felix’s room, sneak in his bed and being in a loved and lovely embrace to sleep. The guarantee to sleep well and in security. So it was his favorite moment and the anchored point of his life.

But…

Today?

Today, he heard the words he thought he would never have to hear. Yes, he was only ten and so his life was really short, not short enough to Miklan liking, but he still felt the worst betrayal he never had to live…

“The situation with Sreng is becoming annoying…”

“Are you sure you don’t want our help, last time with Lambert…”

“Last time had been more a problem than a help, my dear Shield,” the Margrave Gautier smirked. “My Family always had correct relationship with Sreng and you know it. You shouldn’t have to attack them that day.”

“With all the love I have for you, it’s your fault, you weren’t there!”

The Margrave smiled. Usually, it was just a tiny dispute between them, just an old joke… But not today. Today, it was sadder because…

“I can’t come this year. I have to stay there and make sure the tensions are calmed down. I will maybe have to go there for the festivities.”

“Proofing them that your Family still prefers Sreng to the Kingdom…” Rodrigue sighed.

It was all politic. But Sreng did was a land the Gautier family still had good relationship. And they were still bonded by the blood to the Royal Family. Maybe the Margrave could do something…

But Sylvain, busy to cuddle with Felix, had the heart broken when he heard that.

“We don’t come next month?” he asked, his eyes filled with tears.

His father nodded. “Don’t be so sad, you will have a lot of others occasion to see your friend.”

He grabbed his son, who held tight Felix’s hand, pressing a kiss on his cheek.

“No! Daddy! Please, no! Feliiiiiix!”

“You will see him again, Sylvain.”

“Sylvain,” his mother called.

“No!”

Rodrigue took Felix in his arms to try to make him let go on Sylvain but he dug his nails deep into the flesh of his friend.

“Nooo!” Felix protested.

“Felix!” Rodrigue groaned.

“Father?” Glenn said.

He held out his arms to Felix. Which sniffed, still trying not to be separated from his friend. Though Felix loved his father, he always felt better with Glenn, probably because he took care of him when their mother couldn’t, and was there even when Rodrigue went for war. The sad fact was that now, as a Knight of the King, he was worry to have to let him alone…

And Felix must knew it because… there, he let go on Sylvain to be in his arms.

And yet… yet, at the moment where the Gautiers entered the carriage, as the horses started to move forward, Felix yelled and Glenn let go on him. Felix ran behind the carriage, calling after his best friend, his dearest, the only one. He called him. Called while running.

In the carriage, Sylvain stuck his head against the window. He yelped when he saw Felix fell on the floor and burst in tears. Himself, he cried even more, begging for Felix as his father kept the door of the carriage looked so he couldn’t burst out.

“Miklan?! Miklan!!!”

In the Knight’s room, Miklan was talking with his comrades, Soldiers of his father. He wasn’t feeling way much more than them… They did understand him, liked him despite being Crestless. Maybe because they were Crestless too so seen as nothing? Nothing at all…

And now…

“Here comes the Crest Baby,” he smirked. “What a delight.”

Sylvain entered in the room and ran toward Miklan, pushing a huge wooden box in front of him.

“What do you want, rat?”

“You want me to disappear, right?” Sylvain asked.

Miklan raised an eyebrow.

Of course he wanted but what was happening with him… That stupid child was very weird. And he kept acting with him as if he liked him… wasn’t it totally ridicule?!

“I take that as a ‘yes’! Well…” Sylvain climbed in the box. “Can you close it and bring it to the delivery area?!”

“What the…” Miklan said.

“I’m sending myself to Felix! When I’ll be there, I will ask Felix to marry me and so I will become a Fraldarius and they will have to keep me. Win-win!”

“He is so cute,” one of the Soldiers smiled.

Miklan glanced at him with hate.

“Come on, Mik’, he is cute.”

“Anyway… Okay. I will send you to Felix.”

“Nice! Thank you!”

Sylvain wasn’t idiot and did hole in the box, of course. And food! Enough for two weeks. In case the travel didn’t go as expected. Fruits and bread, a bit but mostly… chocolate and sweets. He even had written Felix’s address on the lid. So, when he held out the hammer and the nails to Miklan, he was confident.

Miklan, on the other hand, was delighted to pin close that box. He smiled while doing it. He could even say it was all the fault of his brother and if they find him back, they will believe him if he said he was idiot enough to think he could ship himself to Felix…

Sylvain was wrong.

It wasn’t a win-win.

Only one of them could win…

Three weeks later

Normally, you wouldn’t bring a child with you when you had to travel the whole country. And normally, Glenn would approve… But this time was different. The Margrave was searching his dear son since three weeks and they couldn’t find him. Felix was devastated and he wanted to find back his friend…

Once again, despite the tender lover he has for his brother, Glenn could refuse to see his brother in such situation, having to deal with difficult situation, poor conditions and everything but… he believed in Felix’s intuition. Since he has asked if Sylvain was possibly in the Alliance and that a messenger talked about a box looking like the one they were seeking. And so now, he was running through the Alliance, holding his little brother was slept in his arms. He was riding since so long…

If his father knew he was bringing Felix through Fódlan, he would be mad at him. Bringing the baby brother like that? Felix surely wasn’t ready for that.

But it was their only chance to find back Sylvain and Glenn would give his life to protect his brother…

He will face the consequence as long as he will find Sylvain…

Felix opened his eyes, blinking and holding back a yawn.

“Glenn…”

“Yes, baby brother? You’re good?”

Glenn took out his cape to roll it around Felix, worry because of the cold around…

“This town…”

“This town?”

Glenn nodded and led his horse to said town. It was just a little village and he had normally nothing to worry about but he still showed his pass, an identity proving who he was and saying he was there in peace.

But it also meant, if he did something bad, the Holy Kingdom and the Alliance will enter in war and this would be his entire fault. Usually it pressed enough on the morality to force them to stay kind and wise.

Glenn entered the village and walked to the post-house. He felt Felix becoming impatient and hoped.

Approaching the building, Glenn jumped on the floor.

“Stay here,” he said to his baby brother.

He kissed his cheek and walked to the door, opening it. He approached the woman behind the counter.

“Excuse me, dear Lady? I search a box. It has been sent here by mistake? A big wooden box with an incomprehensible address?”

“It is you?” she groaned. “I was about to send it back to Derdriu.”

She frowned, looking his clothes, the colors, the different Emblem he was showing…

“Wait a second…” she whispered. “You’re not from there.”

“Lady, it’s a big and long story and I have no time to explain it. There is a child since three weeks in that box and you’d better hand it to me now, unless…”

She gulped.

“A child?”

“Yes.”

She got up and went to the room behind. Glenn followed her but the door was shut at his nose.

As if it could refrain him.

He entered too and saw the lady take a crowbar to open the lid. It popped as she was telling Glenn not to stay here, as if he cared, and gasped. The young Knight immediately approached and he saw a tiny Sylvain in a sad state.

“Sylvain…”

He leaned in, taking him in his arms.

“What happened?” the lady asked.

“A long story!” Glenn replied.

He walked to the exit, the tiny redhead, dirtier than he never had been, and stopped.

“Lady… If I give you money, may I ask to use your bathroom, and some food for him?”

“If you give me money? You idiot! You think I want money for that?! Go upstairs, now!”

Glenn couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you so much, dear Lady.”

She frowned when she saw him go to the front door, once he had passed the door leading to the back shop. She saw him lean in and call someone and just after, there was a little guy who stepped inside after him. She watched them as they walked up the stairs…

In the steps, Felix was so worry. Sylvain hadn’t opened his eyes yet. He certainly hadn’t eaten since one week and what about drinking… At least, as the teenager held him in his arms, he could feel the slow heartbeat of his heart.

At the upper level, Glenn searched for the bathroom, Felix following him and trying to grab Sylvain’s hand. The young Knight had to open three doors before finding the correct one. And faced the fact if there was a large wooden bath, there was no water.

“Step aside!”

Glenn complied and saw the lady arrive with two buckets.

“It’s cold,” she said.

“That’s not a problem. Thank you very much for what you did.”

“What the hell happened?!”

Felix held out his arms to Sylvain and so Glenn put him down, letting Felix embrace him. His baby brother had still wet eyes. And as soon as his arms held out Sylvain, the eyelids started to move.

“He wanted to send himself to my brother,” Glenn said.

That was what Miklan said after his father had forced him to say the truth. Miklan was more than angry to have been caught by his parents, having to reply of his acts but he has been so delighted to push the fault on his little brother.

None of them could say anything about this because…

Well, it wasn’t surprising that Sylvain did that.

The post-lady watched Glenn with wide eyes, her lips letting go a little ‘what’?

“Felix…” Sylvain weakly said in Felix’s arms.

Felix hugged him. “I’m here.”

The lady poured the buckets of water in the wooden bath. Glenn approached it, putting his hands in the unclear liquid. A circle of magic appeared as the water gain in heat.

“Merry Solstice. I told you… I’d… be…” He smiled. “… there. You love… your present?”

Felix’s eyes widened before filling with tears. If he had lose him because he wanted to become his present, to be there… He sniffed and hugged him tightly.

“Sylvain!” he sobbed.

Glenn let out a little sigh but smiled, relieved. At least, Sylvain will be cleaned and have a good meal very soon.

It will be alright.

But he would have to kick his butt as soon as they will train together. He will pay for having made cry his baby brother!

Every year after that, Sylvain decided to send himself to Felix. But his parents knew and so they could send Knights with the precious box, made sure Sylvain would have a bath every now and then, could eat and everything else. As he was taking in age, becoming teenager, he started to just ride with a troop and jump in a box when he arrived in front of Fraldarius’ mansion.

Every time, the first thing he saw was the beautiful smile of Felix as he discovered his present.

Years continued to pass, one after one, and he did his best to always be surprising for his best friend.

As he turned sixteen, he was in age to go by his own through the grounds of their family and, with a plow holding a big box, clothes, food, water and a spear in case of danger, he left alone.

Being alone, the surprise would be even better. Though Rodrigue was warned. Just in case.

He delivered himself in front of Felix’s room before he got up. He arrived a bit before the dawn, dragged that box through the two levels and just waited for the box to be opened. That was the plan and that was the reason he was there, silent and patient…

If he was right, Felix will get up soon.

He could hear what came from inside. The mattress moving and squeaking, the flood moaning under the feet. What an ingrate! His Felix was so thin and slim, he wasn’t heavier than a feather!

He kept hearing pace, movements, the curtains being opened, Felix moaning against the Sun, paces again… the sound of the steel against a sheathe, more paces, and then the door opening…

He got himself ready, smiling. In a few seconds, he will burst outside, see him smile, hug him. LIFT HIM! He would kiss his cheeks, make him laugh. Told him how much he loved him?

He heard sound, the box cracking.

It will open soon!

He pushed on his hands…

More cracks came and, in front of some holes in the box, he noticed a shadow.

“Why are you here?”

Sylvain’s hear was hurt. Not because of the question but the tone. So cold…

He held out his sigh because he didn’t mean to hurt him more and pressed his hands on the lid to push it up. He frowned, feeling a resistance. Strange resistance caused by something heavy? Well… heavier than a lid…

“Are you… Are you sit on that box?!”

“Yes.”

“Yes?!” Sylvain laughed. “Are you trying to put me in a box?”

“Certainly not. You were already in. Why are you here?”

“It’s the Winter Solstice, Felix.”

“And…”

“And I’m your present!”

Felix didn’t talk. Sylvain didn’t hear more sound so he didn’t try to push the lid open. He was giving all his confidence to Felix. That wasn’t him who would force him to stay there forever…

“We can’t be separate for the Winter Solstice! Right?”

No replies.

“Right, Felix?”

“It would have been better if you didn’t have come…”

“Felix…”

“It won’t be very festive, here. Though it may be turn fun if I manage to stab my father.”

“I don’t think it will.”

“You have no humor, Sylvain, that’s why.”

“No humor… I have no humor!” Sylvain closed his eyes. “Felix… I wanted to be there because it’s the tradition but I also wanted to see you smile. Know you were smiling again, laugh.”

He heard sound on the lid.

“I don’t think I will again, Sylvain…”

“Do you… need to talk? I will always listen to you, Felix. Always…”

“No.”

Sylvain heard sound and the box shook a little.

“It’s just… It… Th… this was so horrible there… This was awful and when I ran to Glenn…He wasn’t the one supposed to die. He wasn’t supposed to die!”

The sound of the box moving started again. Sob coming along.

“Felix… Felix, please!”

The wood cracked again but Sylvain could tell he was just getting up and so he got up immediately, making fly away the lid. He grabbed Felix and brought him in a tight embrace, pressing his head against his head.

“I’m there, Felix.”

Felix pressed his fingers against his chest, hiccupping.

“I can’t believe… he will never be… that’s unfair. I would have preferred to… to be the one dying.”

Sylvain’s heart skipped a beat.

When the War had started, in contrary, Felix was excited to work for his country, to make his father proud but he was also terrorized. So much that, without Dimitri and Glenn, he would never go there. But more than everything, he kept telling how much he was afraid to die.

And now…

What had happened?

Out of having lost his beloved brother, the one who would always cheer him up and hug him with that joyful smile. For someone who started his life with the burden of having no mother and being raised at the Sword of the Kingdom, it was surprising he reacted that much. Of course death was awful, especially because Felix was just thirteen but… something worst happened. He knew it…

“Felix…”

Felix looked up at him. “You dare to touch me? My hands are…I have killed friends, siblings, parents, children…”

“You did it to save your life.”

“I would do it again, Sylvain.” There was sorrow but also rages in the eyes gleaming with tears. “I’m good for nothing. I have been raise to wield a sword, this is my burden, this is my duty, this is my chance. I will kill more friends, siblings, parents, children… if this is the promise I can protect those I love.”

Sylvain watched him with sadness.

When they came back from the War, everything changed. Dimitri was destroyed, passing his days to cry in that man of Duscur’s arms; Ingrid was pretending she wasn’t affected but she cried every night, every now and then; and Felix refused to talk to him…

All his friends shattered in piece and he was there, smiling and acting like nothing had happened because, yes, technically nothing happened to him. He didn’t lose his father or his brother; didn’t saw people die in front of him; didn’t have to kill… He didn’t lose the love his life.

Or…

Sylvain put a knee on the floor and took one of those hands clean today but, forever, dirty of the blood that stained them. That will stain them again.

He kissed the knuckles, the fingertips.

“I will keep them clean. Every time. I will bathe them with my love and I will clean them so you would never have to be afraid to look me in the eyes again. Never have to be afraid of touching me. I love your hands, I will pray for them to touch me until my last breath, Felix. I love you, no matter what.”

“Leonie! Leonie!!”

Leonie swirled on her heels toward Sylvain. She was half annoyed and half… thrilled? He would hit on every lady but never her and she was a bit complexed. Maybe today will be the day she will be as a lady by this Don Juan?!

Not that she wanted!

It was just nice to get some compliments and know you were seen as a lady.

Even when you didn’t want it. Well, a bit but not exactly.

“Yes?” she asked.

“I will jump in this box but first we have to bring it in the Noble dormitory. Can you help me to do it? It’s quite heavy…”

“Ugh? What?”

She moved her head on the side. She folded her arms, her eyebrows frowned like never.

“Do you know it’s one am?”

“Yes! But you’re here and Ingrid said she will kill me if I tried to ridicule myself and brought her in. Dimitri is asleep and he doesn’t want me to annoy Dedue.”

“So you want me to help you to bring this box to Felix’s room… at one am.”

“He wakes up extra early. If I don’t do it as well extra-early, I can’t set the…”

“Prank? That’s not nice, Sylvain!”

“That’s my present!” he protested.

“You’re the present?” she said.

“I’m the present,” Sylvain nodded.

“You?”

“Me.”

She frowned.

“I’m vexed!!! I’m going to cry, Leonie! I gently ask you help and you mock me like that! Is it because I don’t tell you how much _you_ are awesome. Should I fell on my knees to praise your beauty dear Leonie?”

“I will punch you, Sylvain!”

“Goddess! It looks like I was talking with Ingrid! Now I’m afraid!”

“You’re an idiot,” Leonie sighed. “But yes. I will help you! Don’t come cry on me if Felix kills you instead of me, though.”

“Frightening… You did look like her… Garreg Mach is so frightening! I should run away! But only after being the best present ever!” he smiled.

Leonie grabbed a side of the box, helping him to bring it to Felix’s room.

“Can I be there when he will kill you, though? That must be funny.”

“Leonie! He won’t kill me!” he laughed.

“Still wonder.”

“If you want to see it, you’re free. But Felix will probably wake up around five am. If he wants to train and all… You know him.”

“Yes,” she replied.

She smiled to him as they went to the stairs. Pushing it up the steps would have been difficult if Sylvain wasn’t used to it and could tell to Leonie how to do it. And if the box was big, it was especially empty. The real problem was that it was too big, too difficult to walk through the so little space.

They climbed up.

After a short moment, they arrived in front of the room of Felix. Leonie wiped away the sweat on her forehead and smiled.

“Here we are. I will come back at five am to see that!” She smiled. “Or maybe not.”

“Do what you want!”

He winked and jumped in the box. Leonie was sure she saw him take bread from his uniform as he sat in the box, pushing the lid on it. She smiled a bit and moved away.

Sylvain pressed his back against the box and waited in silence. He could try sleeping a bit but he was too afraid to miss the moment…

It was a bit before five am when Felix woke up with a yawn. He prepared himself quickly, his dark circle growing more and more every day. Sleeping started to become a difficulty since the Tragedy of Duscur. When he couldn’t orientate his mind on something else, like the training, those memories came back to him and so, yes, sleeping was a horror he tried to avoid as much as possible…

After having struggle minutes and minutes to fall asleep again, without ever succeed it, he decided to just go train.

Better than nothing.

Better than thinking.

Dressed, he walked toward the door, opening it and… just stopped in front of the box waiting for him.

“This again?” he said. “Even here?”

“You’re talking to a box,” a voice replied, a bit husky.

A voice trying to be modified by their owner. Felix could have smirked but he fought against that, his hand on his hip.

“Why doing this again?”

Sylvain opened slightly the box, just his eyes appearing.

“It’s Winter Solstice.”

“Yes. But you’re already here. It’s not useful to jump in a box.”

“I’m your present!”

Felix stared him and pushed open the lid.

“I’m going to train… You come with me?” he asked.

“Yes!”

Sylvain jumped out of the box and walked next to him as they went to the training room. He must say he didn’t expect that. Lately, Felix had barely accepted to see him doing that. He was glad to accept him for the Winter Solstice, and even seemed relieved? But he didn’t burst of joy to open his present as when he was a child…

While loving him dearly, now and forever, he missed the days when Felix would shriek of joy and jump at his neck.

Wasn’t it sad that Felix pushing the lid that way and asking him to come train with him was the most joyful thing he could receive?

Not for him. But for Felix…

When did he become so sad?

He always had made his mission to make Felix happy but now… he wanted it even more.

Tents and tents were installed in the limit of the Fraldarius’ Dukedom. In theory, Rodrigue hadn’t to be afraid of any attack from the Alliance but since the Gloucester family had sided with the Empire and Lady Cornelia still spread her domination from the Kingdom, they had to be prepared for anything. Even in this land surrounded by water.

And since it was an important part, an important bastion, Rodrigue had asked his best man, his most trusted General, to take care of it.

That was like that Felix had set a camp here since months and months. He tried to keep his Soldiers motivated but after so many months of fighting, it became hard.

You couldn’t see your family, your friends…

It was hard.

Himself had very much difficulty some long day, especially lately, with the cold weather surrounding him and attacking, again and again. They have to hold the bastion. They had to keep cheering each other. And this wasn’t that easy. Some of them were hurt, lightly or horribly. Felix did his best to provide heal to everyone, even using his own magic sometimes but in some case, what could you do except removing member from them. Seeing the horror in their eyes. Sending them back home but… at what price…

The Sun was raising with many difficulties when Felix came out from the tent. He had with him one of the last tasty cups of tea. He had boiled it himself thanks to electricity and he wondered if he shouldn’t give it to someone who would enjoy that little glimpse of spice and fruits…

He knew the Gautier should bring them food, covers maybe, help… but Felix started to stop believing. It had been so long since Ingrid came from her own grounds to give him those news. The Gautier Family got their help from somewhere else… that’s the reason they were the one helping. And the reason why Felix was waiting.

It was the Winter Solstice.

Of course the Gautier will appear today. Probably with a box…

He scrutinized the landscape, waiting, only the warm in the mug spreading in his body and his heart.

Could it only reach his heart?

He had sworn he will walk on the path of war again if this was the only way to protect his friend and he was doing it since months now but… while he was made for the fight, able to take down enemies by himself, he hadn’t really be ready for the War. He wasn’t ten months earlier, he still wasn’t… No one knew. Not even Ingrid who helped him since two weeks with the Soldiers and protecting the Bastion. No one had to know he still could see the faces of everyone he killed. No one had to know sleeping was difficult for him, haunted by dreams, nightmares. No one had to know that he keep seeing blood in his hands, even when there was none. No one had to know he will never go through this and that was the main reason he still believed his place was on a battle field. If the garden of his thought, his supposed peace, was already War… why wouldn’t he make War his lover?

Nothing in the horizon… Felix forced himself to drink a little and then walked through the field of tent, making sure everything was alright. How were the wounded? What could he do for them…

He had to keep working, keep his mind busy…

Not think about all of this.

Just hugging the feeling, for a while, that he was doing okay, that his hands weren’t red with the blood of his enemies. With the blood of people who never will come back to their family. Siblings, parents, children, friends…

While he would have loved to see the one who killed his brother spare him and let him receive his embrace as often as needed… Glenn would probably have to kill that man for the sake of other lives, or see loved one dying after, maybe. That was the reason he never spared an enemy. He couldn’t endanger dear lives…

Felix was walking, again and again through the camp, stopping only when he was needed or training with those needing it. He healed someone and also took care of the map to see what they should do, or, more likely… he pushed Ingrid in front of the map and run away to distribute food in the camp.

He couldn’t be impatient enough for the Gautier’s clan to arrive.

He had sacrificed his own ration to be sure everyone had what they needed. But if he kept doing this, Ingrid would smash him. And probably share her part with him…

She was used to that.

“General! General!”

Felix turned his head toward one of his Captain who walked toward him.

“General!” The man held out his hand, showing the line of the landscape were you could see a troop coming. “They have the Gautier’s banner!”

Felix, for just one mini second, seemed relieved.

“Go warm Lady Galatea, ask Vasco and Carmen to come as well. Get the Soldiers ready.”

“That’s the Gautier’s banner, my General…”

“Yes, and we’re never cautious enough.”

Felix walked toward the troop, his hand on the sword. He didn’t think anyone could beat Sylvain, especially because he stopped being reckless lately. He was more focused but there still was something in his way to fight… something worrying even though none of his enemies could beat him.

Until now, he was the only one able to fight and win against Sylvain but sometimes, he wondered… his quest of winning over everything so none of those he loved would suffer ever again couldn’t stop until every adversary would fell on their knees in front of him.

Maybe Sylvain just wanted to help him accede that dream.

Save him?

As he promised to always wash his hands…

But Sylvain wasn’t there, no one was there to wash his hands, to help him to stop thinking and suffering from that endless turmoil. That storm stealing his breath and making mush from his inside…

Though, soon…

“Felix!”

Ingrid arrived next to him, breathing harshly because she had run to join him.

Behind them, two horses. Carmen and Vasco’s. With the Captain, those were the Soldiers he trusted the most. But, honestly, the only one who deserved his entire confidence was the lady at his right.

“Do you really believe they are not Gautier’s men?” she asked in a low tone.

“I think that’s them. But I won’t risk any life with useless expectancies.”

“Of course.”

“Would you?” he smirked.

“I…” She blushed. “Not anymore from now on.”

“You have a good heart, Ingrid.”

“Thank you!” she smiled. And then frowned. “Wait… is this a compliment or…?”

“What do you believe?” he wondered.

He still smirked to her and she let out an annoyed sound as they approached the troop. Troop that had stopped, probably because Felix’s methods were know? Or for something else?

Felix’s fingers were still around the pommel of his sword.

“You come from Gautier’s grounds?”

“Yes, Duke Fraldarius. Our Magrave asked us to leave last week and we crossed the ground to bring you food, blankets, weapons and some useless things but this will cheer your Soldier up. We have vague news of the Dukedom as well. Maybe this could warm their hearts.”

Ingrid watched toward Felix. This one walked toward the troop and opened one of the cargo. Everything was in different bag or even barrels. Felix moved his hand letting them walk to the camp.

He followed them with Ingrid, Vasco and Carmen so they could assist them for the delivery of the provisions.

The Captain had prepared his men but, seeing his General not in a too much tense position, he knew it was really a help coming from the Gautier. With their troop, they all started to unpack. Big blankets were offered to them, with way enough food for two weeks. A month or a month and half if they ate correctly. Just enough, no excess… Perhaps today, they would have a meal a bit bigger, to warm their heart…

Lot of bread were given, dry meat, cans with food inside, tea leaves and coffee bean but also a bit of sweet and confit fruits, some vegetables, potatoes or lot of rice and different pasta. Cheese in different kind, as well…

As for the clothes and weapons, everything was in great quality.

Felix was checking everything as well as distributing a part to cheer his Soldiers. His captain was writing down what there was inside every cargo. He trusted them all but he needed to know what they have, how to regulate them, think about how they could eat this… and be sure they wouldn’t have robberies. Just to be sure. An ounce of prevention was worth an ounce of cure…

“Is that all?” he asked.

“Is that all?” the leader of the Gautier’s troop wondered. “What do you mean, Duke? Isn’t it enough?” he wondered. “We have brought so much… We can’t do more.”

Of course they couldn’t do more. He would have to turn those vegetables into something, like a soup. And maybe he would hunt boar for have fresh meat as much as his Soldiers could wish.

“There is no box?” Felix asked.

“Well… no? Why… Why do you want a box, Duke Fraldarius?”

“I… just thought it would be easier… with a box…” he whispered. “Anyway, thank you for your services. I will give you a letter for the Margrave and some wounded I’d like you to bring back in a safe place. Do you need anything?”

“Yes, information about the strategy and the factions of your father.”

“I can help you with that,” Ingrid said. “I will also inform you about my father’s situation. If this interest you.”

“Yes, Lady Galatea.”

Ingrid grabbed Felix’s arm and brought him in his tent so he could give his letter and her important information. They talked a moment, making sure the Gautier will have everything in hand.

When the man finally left the tent, Felix sighed and cleaned up things inside. He almost never cleaned anything because he didn’t have much time for it but today… now… With his shaking hands, he was tidying everything he could.

“Felix?” Ingrid wondered.

“Yes?”

“Are you alright?”

“Of course,” he said.

“It’s War, Felix…”

“I know. But you are here, you.”

“Is this supposed to be a compliment?” she asked with a little smile, sitting on the mattress. “I’m here because with everything your father didfor my father, and our County, we couldn’t turn our back to yours. But I will need. You don’t need me.”

Felix’s hands clenched on the maps he was holding. He had the feeling he was bleeding on them. His hands were so red… stained with the blood no one could clean. Sylvain was away. Sylvain was on the battlefield, maybe about to die? And him… he was here.

For the very first time… they wouldn’t be together for the Winter Solstice…

Should he send himself in a box to Sylvain?

Did Sylvain stop to try because he was just son ingrate with his love and, so, just deserved it?

Maybe Sylvain loved him too much and him not enough? Or it was a game for Sylvain? Just a game… And War was more important that a stupid dream…

His hands were bleeding, turning everything in red because he was just a Monster killing again and again. Killing to life. Killing because he had no purpose and because protecting his loved one was the only key for him…

Maybe Sylvain didn’t want to approach someone for whom it was so normal to kill…

Maybe Sylvain didn’t love him enough and him too much

And him… Him, without him, he was…

He didn’t know why he needed him so much… lately… lately, the only thing that had made him keep living, fighting, was the idea he will see him.

And now…

Ingrid smiled sadly to him and approached him to press a kiss on his cheek.

“You’re not alone. We love you. He loves you…”

The battle had roared for days.

At the beginning, they were taking care of those who died but now? Now, they just let them there. What could they do for them when they have to fight for their lives? Those bodies were stacked on each other, let on place and just mud and blood would cover them. it was so cold and they searched every way to live… And if their only way to live was thanks to them? Thanks to the bodies pushed as a rampart or different things…

Fighting; not having time to mourn your friends, family; fighting; not having time to eat or drink; fighting; receiving the tears of the sky as only beverage; fighting; receiving the blood of your enemy as second beverage but also root of self-hate; fighting; hating yourself; fighting; being so scared…

Sylvain couldn’t do anymore. He was so bored, so done. Those fights. Again and again.

Sometimes he wondered… what if he stopped now?

Stopped everything?

He was against the bodies of people he had fight alongside. Some were friends, maybe he had joked with some today? Or it was yesterday? He was against them because they gave their lives for a War that wasn’t theirs… and now, they were just a barrier to protect them. The smell was so horrible, a putrefaction smell, the death entering your nostrils to swear to you that you will be the next one while you laid in a mass grave, feeling a cold rain on you. A cold rain that couldn’t wash their crime. Couldn’t wash the feeling that was sticking on their flesh… So many of them left with their innocence and either they lost it or their life.

And if Sylvain stopped everything? If he stopped that vain struggle?

He couldn’t move anymore anyway. He was… he was suffering so much.

Maybe it was the time. Maybe it was the moment to just do what everybody expected from him since the very first day…

“We can get them if we go to the right! How many Soldiers we still have?”

The lady next to him used to have hairs as bright as him but now… now they were just muddy and even thought she had tried to tie them, they keep falling down so she had cut them quickly.

And when she turned her eyes toward Sylvain, she froze…

She saw him pressing his heel against his horse that succumbed on the floor after the last attack. He had himself killed him to prevent him from suffering for hours…

He was crying.

She jumped toward him, taking his cheeks in her dirty hands.

“Sylvain?!”

He started to sob.

“What is happening? Sylvain?”

“I…It hurts…”

“What? Where?”

She wasn’t a healer but she could do something maybe?!

“My heart…”

She froze, hearing such words. She watched the thick armor, shaking. How could they…

“Mamma… it hurt so much…” he hiccupped.

“When they have hit you?” she asked, caressing his cheeks.

She just needed to grab a thread of hope. Dear Goddess, please, don’t take her son away…

Sylvain shook his head. “I don’t know… I don’t know what’s happening… My heart hurt but they never touched me…” He closed his eyes. “When the horse fell on the floor, my head hit the floor, but it was only mud and everything around us was only Death and Horror. And someone… someone was dying… he said… he said he had sworn to be with his family for the Winter Solstice…” he whispered.

His fingers twitched.

“It… It’s the Winter Solstice…”

“Yes, it is… That’s a day like another day. But that day, whatever it is, isn’t the day you will die. I won’t allow it. You will see another Winter Solstice,” she said. “I swear, my baby.”

“Mamma…”

He closed his eyes and brought his hand to his heart. Not to his mother’s hand that was laying on it, the other one on her cheek, caressing softly… No, to the only thing that was softly protecting his heart. The secret he was hiding there since the first day of War. Against his heart laid every letters Felix had send him. There weren’t that much at first, especially because he had lost some from his young age. Ironically, against everything he expected, along the War, more and more were gathered and protecting him.

And now, it seemed like it was burning…

“I’m not with him…”

“What?”

“I’m not with Felix…”

The War was surrounding him, the pestilence was creeping around, you could hear scream and maybe he just had only a few minutes left to live and he only thought about him.

Felix…

“My baby… I don’t think that will…” She was about to say ‘kill him’ but it was War. “I don’t believe he will hold this against you,” she said.

“I know he won’t care… I care… I want to be with him. I need to be with him. Today. Every day.” He shivered. “Wh… Why does it hurt so much?” he hiccupped.

She caressed his cheek with a sad smile.

“Because you love him, my baby,” she whispered, pressing a kiss on his forehead.

“Love hurts…” Sylvain sobbed.

He believed his mother, he believed he had dear love for Felix. He wasn’t that surprise but thought he had a little crush? Not something as powerful because… how could he love someone? Someone as insignificant of him?

How could he love Felix?

Felix was the only one for him, yes. Yes, it was true. He was only happy, he only felt himself alive when he was around Felix but… how could he be worthy of such a dear love? He would never be blessed by those tender feelings from the only one who mattered, the only one who could pretend to have his heart.

Maybe… dying here was a good thing…

He would never have to see him be with someone else, never have to see him while not being able to touch him.

Yes… maybe this day was a good day to die…

After years and years of War, almost six years without never stopping, they finally found peace again. However… this peace didn’t look very peaceful and they all knew they will have to keep working if they really wanted to turn Fódlan into a good place. Claude said they will not help but that didn’t mean they couldn’t count on some imminent Noble of the Alliance, even some of the Empire they had saved from their sad Fate…

Resent stayed between them, it wasn’t strange.

Dimitri will have to work hard. He will have to use all his strength and relations with Noble of the Kingdom, and alliance with country like Duscur and Sreng, to be sure the World will become better.

But the World wasn’t the only thing he had to take care of…

That was the reason why he went in the Court of the Castle. He couldn’t receive the most important Nobles of the Kingdom in the Throne Room. They were too important for that.

Dedue followed him in the corridors as they went in the big garden.

This was Dimitri’s favorite place because Dedue worked on there so often. He had allowed him to do everything with the garden, as long as he was happy. He loved seeing him surrounded with flowers, seeing him happy, his soft smile on his lips while looking every petal and stem with so much love. The only time he saw such expression was when he was with him.

As he moved forward, he could see as his friends together. Ingrid, Sylvain, Felix… This one wasn’t looking at him.

“Thank you, all, for coming here,” he said. “We have seat if you want,” he offered.

“We’re fine,” Ingrid said. “And we’re glad to see you that fine,” she smiled.

“Thank you,” the King replied. “I asked you to come because I hope you will be able to help me to construct a future for Fódlan. Ingrid, I will make sure the dominion of Galatea will have enough money because I want you to become one of my Minister, my Counselor. If you accept, you will receive money for this. I will make sure your County will have enough money and then every other part of the country.”

“Dimitri… You’re too good,” Ingrid said with a soft tone.

“I don’t want you to be forced to marry someone you don’t like just to have money. If I can provide it, I will do it. I have too much affection for you to let you suffer for something as unworthy of you than money…”

“You’re really too kind. I accept, of course. I feel you will need someone to help you to handle everything!”

“And I can’t hope someone better than you.” Dimitri turned his head toward Felix. “Felix…”

Felix sighed.

“I’m sorry for what happened…”

“Sorry… Apologies won’t bring back my brother and my father. They both gave their life for you,” Felix replied with a cold tone, looking him in the eyes.

Dedue moved toward Felix but Dimitri lifted his hand.

“It’s fine. I understand why Felix is angry against me…”

“You understand?” Felix shook his head. “You can’t. You can try to understand but you can’t… We used to be friend, Dimitri…”

Dimitri couldn’t help but smile a little as he heard his name pronounced by this voice. But just a slight one.

“I used to believe I would die for you. I was born for that… Every people in this garden, in this damn Country, thought they had to. Everybody gave their lives for you… How many Soldiers died? How many have you seen die? My family gave their lives for yours… Do you think any of us would receive such a treatment? Do you believe someone would die for me as they all pressed themselves to do it for you? My father would have let me die if it could have saved you. I don’t want to be seen next to you, my King. I have no interest in dying. Not like that.”

“I… I don’t ask for your death, Felix.”

Felix shook his head. “Yet. When I see you, I only see death. I can’t stand next to you. I don’t have any use as strategist or anything else. But if one day you want to ask the General Fral… The Duke Fraldarius to fight at your side, I will lend you my sword. That’s the only thing I can do for you.”

“Thank you, Felix. You’re warming my heart.”

Felix looked away. Sylvain could notice the tremors in his hands. He remembered the nightmares his friend used to have. At Garreg Mach, he would sneak in to hug him and ease him. Even if Felix tried to hide it, he found him crying in several occasions. Not only at night. He saw him hug himself so hard that his nails dug his skin.

Felix had thrown his hands so often in the blood but… he felt that wasn’t what ravished the most his sanity.

His hands…

He hadn’t touched them since so long.

Could he clean them again?

Was it too late?

“Sylvain…”

“Dimitri! Your court is awesome and so many pretty girls!”

Felix sighed, Ingrid as well. “Of course!” she let out.

“But I can’t help you. As Felix said, I can help you if you ask me but I have a mission of my own. I will make sure the relation with Sreng will be better. I can’t leave my grounds. I thought about it. I believed Fhirdiad would be a perfect place but… It’s wrong. It has nothing for me… And… I have others things to do first… I hope you understand.”

“I understand. And I know I can count on you all.”

“King-Boar-Dimitri…”

Dimitri folded his arms. “You can’t decide?” he giggled.

Felix raised an eyebrow. “I’d like you to send me everything that belonged to my dad. I know he used to let some here. I have… to sort things out.”

“Of course. I will,” Dimitri replied. “Thank you all, once again. And Ingrid, don’t force yourself to stay in the Castle neither. I know… you were better with them than with me. I wouldn’t stop you.”

“Are you sure?”

Dimitri looked Dedue and smiled. “Yes… I have my own rock here, don’t worry.”

He was a liar. Just a liar.

He hated liar and always would turn them down, mock them sometimes but he was just a liar…

In his bath, Felix looked his own reflect, his chest covered with scars, his thighs and legs wounded by the battle and his arms… his arms eaten by too much use of magic. He had done everything for the sake of the Kingdom, for Dimitri in a way.

He was just a liar.

If his life had no value, he could sacrifice it for anyone needing it truly…

He didn’t mind about dying, ending his poor life. After all… now, what could he do?

He was nothing. Nothing… Useless… Worthless…

And he was in his bath too warm, tears rolling along his cheeks while he was trying to watch his hands, internally begging to have the blood leave his skin but… he was the only one to see it. The only one to try to make disappearing his skin, to let appear his flesh, because he wanted to save himself from this blood, the past… having seen Dimitri again…

He wanted to puke.

The past keep coming back to him and he felt so bad. The War printing on his skin, worming in his guts…

**_Toc toc._ **

Felix jumped, out of surprise, breathing loud suddenly.

“Y… Yes?!” he called.

“Young Duke… I mean, Duke Fraldarius… Your uncle and your cousin Adrien are here…”

“Ah… Yes. Yes, I’m coming…”

Felix looked his hands, noticed how red they were, as much as his wrists and his forearm… He had rubbed so much. He noticed the pink color on the water here and there, the stream of blood… was it his imagination or… did he just had tried to clean himself so much…

Felix stepped out his bath, quickly dried himself, letting his hairs loosened because… what else could he do? He put on a sleeveless turtleneck and mittens to hide his wounded arms and quickly put on trousers and boots.

Finally he walked outside and walked in the courtyard in front of his father’s mansion…

Well, _his_ mansion. He greeted his uncle and his cousin and looked as servants had displayed boxes and boxes all around.

Some were coming from Fhirdiad and also a bit of Galatea’s territory, though he asked Ingrid to keep everything that used to belong to Glenn, others were leaving his mansion.

In fact, he was sure Ingrid had sent him some items that used to be dear to his brother and not only useless present made to the Galatea…

“This will come inside?” the uncle wondered, showing a box full of silverware and precious item.

“No. I will send this to towns.”

“Aren’t you afraid they will sell it? I understand it’s important to give them relics of your father but…”

“Uncle,” he cut short immediately. “I expect them to sell those. They need money. I will give them food as well, blankets, anything they need to live correctly.”

“You planned to let them have this? There isn’t enough for everybody is really…”

“Some would want to keep them because they loved my father,” Felix replied, opening a box to check in. There was a lot of food inside… “And if they want to do money of it, perfect, I’m fine with that.”

“You won’t be upset?” the man asked.

“I don’t want to live in this past, with those ghosts. I have no use on this and them, they could be happy. If they can’t have everything, I will make sure everything turn well anyway. I will give them the food of the Mansion if needed, the blankets of the Mansion…”

“Them before you?” the uncle wondered.

“That’s my goal as the Duke of those grounds.”

The man stared him, Felix stared the boxes. He didn’t know what they had inside. If only he could have ask Ingrid to help him with all of this. He wasn’t good for strategy and wasn’t good to tidy and sort things apart as well. Ingrid was good for that because she was thinking so much more than him…

“Why did you ask me to be your Stewart, Felix?” the uncle wondered as his son was looking around the boxes. “I hear you talk and I know your father would have been proud of you.”

Felix looked down.

He had always wished his father could actually see him and always seemed to be an object for him. It hurt so much… could his ghost see him more than he did when he was alive?

“I can take some decision but I’m not a ruler. I need help…” He glanced at his cousin. “If you find food, ask the servants to bring it here. Those boxes leave for the town.”

“I think you don’t need me,” the uncle replied.

“Very well cousin,” Adrien said. “But… where is this a box in a box?”

“A box in a box?”

Felix walked toward it and pushed the lid. This was worrying and strange. He had no weapon. What a fool he was but… he was a weapon of his own…

“Uncle, it would be better if you’d step away… You can go check on the computability of the grounds? For example?”

“Very well… I trust you. But be cautious.”

Felix nodded. He made sure everybody was in security and opened the lid of the new box to… find another box. He frowned, threw the lid on the floor and let electricity come around his hand. He pushed a new lid to find…

The first box was so big, he should have noticed it was strange.

The lid fell out his hand, making a huge sound as he stepped backward, more thunder around his arm.

His heart was beating so fast in his chest.

The electric arks stopped to surround his forearm and he pushed up the lid again.

“It’s not the Winter Solstice…”

“I owned five to you. I wanted to come. Every Winter Solstice,” Sylvain said. He stepped outside the boxes. “I was so busy with the War, I’m so sorry. But I thought about you every time…”

Sylvain noticed the mittens and he approached him, brushing his fingertips.

Felix stepped backward. He couldn’t touch his hands, touch the horror of what he had done…

“You said you owned me five Winter Solstice. Why only four boxes?”

“At Fhirdiad, I was struck by something… You said no one wanted to die for you… You’re not wrong.”

“Thank you, Sylvain!” Felix groaned. “If you came for this, I…”

“You still have such a mood!” Sylvain laughed.

He approached him, his fingers brushing his hairs still a bit wet. He wished he could jump in his eyes, looking him directly but Felix never did it since that day he lost everything in the Tragedy…

He respected that.

“Since I was born, my brother made me understand I should be dead. I was a nuisance, something so useless and the only thing I had for me was my Crest. The Ladies always wanted it and cried when I just put them in front of the fact, telling me I should go to Hell. I was worthless. A living Crest. Nothing… But you… You, saw me beyond my Crest, beyond the idiot I was…”

Felix glanced at him.

“I always thought as if I wanted to die. You said to me I was reckless… I had no use of living, that was all. I just wanted to die. For real. Back a time, I would have been so happy to die for you… but while the War, you weren’t there. I missed you so much and I realized…”

Felix stared him.

“I wanted to life… for you.”

Sylvain knelt in front of him and held out his hands to him.

“Please… give me your hand.”

Felix’s fingers twitched.

He hesitated.

He saw Sylvain move his hands and grab a tiny box.

The fifth box…

“Give me your hand for now and forever because I love them, I will keep them clean forever, you remember? I love you, Felix. I’m serious. I love you so much. I never want again be away from you, even a second. That’s why I couldn’t accept to be on Fhirdiad. I wanted to be with you…”

“Why me?”

“I don’t know. It’s always has been you. But I didn’t know it yet…”

Felix approached him.

“You loved me when I was innocent and such a crybaby… and you still love me now that I’m only a Monster with hands covered with blood?”

“Of course… I love everything of you. And I know how cute you can be when you feel good. Let me help you to feel good. Your happiness is my only purpose. You’re my life…”

“With you… everything seems brighter,” he whispered. “When you’re here, I don’t feel like a Monster. You really are able to clean my hands.” He knelt next to him. “I have no purpose in life but you… I want you to be my new purpose.”

Sylvain held out his arms to him. Felix snuggled in them, his hand pressing against his cheek, shaking but… it didn’t seem like he was dirtying him.

Touching him, even with those hands, was right.

Perfect…

His hands had been made to touch him, love him…


End file.
